When our 4 year old first came home, I was acutely aware how we were more obvious as a family than we had been. I was used to running my errands or going to restaurants and the park without having people look at us. Sometimes the look was a positive smile as if to say, "Hey, I'm a liberal Boulder-ite, and your family make-up is acceptable to me." Sometimes there was the vacuous stare from a young adult as if they were trying to figure out how we all came together, and very rarely the look of disapproval from someone.
Over time I've gotten used to being more conspicuous and it never really bothers me anymore, with the exception of the dreaded park encounter. For some reason, people think that because my daughter looks different than the rest of our family, that they have an invitation to discuss and comment on her history and our adoption. This happens most often at the park. Someone might say something like, "Where is your daughter from?" which I like to answer with the incredibly obtuse, "Our house." Or the universal shut down, "Why do you ask?" I don't like to talk about her background and life to strangers, it's weird and she should feel that there is some measure of protection from me when others feel the need to pry into her life.
Yesterday, at the dentist, as I was lying with my jaw hung open in the can't answer what the dentist is asking position, my dentist said that she could never adopt internationally because she'd be afraid that the baby would have been, "Stolen from someone." Uhh, hello?! Do you know that I'm right here?! Are you implying that my daughter was stolen? Do I now have to defend our adoption and her life history by revealing her story, or do I keep my mouth *open* and just let her have her opinion?
In any case, it is now a part of our lives that others feel that they are entitled to know more about us because there's more that is apparent without ever talking to us. It is hard for a chatty person like me to keep her story private, but I think it is a story for her to decide when and how to share when she's older than 4.
Comments